POTC: Curse of the Mentaly Challanged
by Midna Hytwilian
Summary: An OC where a random girl is teleported into POTC! Mentaly challanged pirates to face, crappy gold, and sick perverted romantic quotes! Also lions, tigers, and bears OH MY! How shall you go through the suspense? Let the flames begin!
1. Chapter 1 Ignore Captain Daphne Day

**Disclaimer: I'm bored. Oh wait was I saying again? Oh yeah I don't own POTC, BUT I do own this banana (holds up banana triumphantly) oh yeah bitches!**

**  
A/N lolz I have TRIED writing this four friggin times and not ONCE did I post it or say I liked it. Why? Cause they all sucked! Let's hope if this is much of an improvement.**

Each time this story began with a bored girl. A completely and utterly bored girl much like myself, but this true story does not, because in real life it seems you don't get sucked into a movie at the most convenient time.

"I know but…Jacob just sucks." I argued with my uncle. He was sitting down listening to me rant on the Twilight Saga on which he had no knowledge on and had just recently found out I read it.

He was visiting for my Grandma's birthday and we sat in my living room. "Wanna see the ending to Twilight Princess?" I asked changing the subject. "You beat it right?" He asked. "Yeps!" I beamed, I liked bragging when it came to video games.

I put it on and sadly I must say I didn't finish putting it on. I passed out and when I woke back up I found myself in a bed. "What the…hmm mom and dad must of carried me up." I groaned weakly.

"Daphne?" A voice asked a velvety voice. Up until then I didn't know it was TRUE a voice could be velvety in real life. "Oh I'm loving this dream."

**A/N what the hell? What the hell just happened? I started writing a POTC story then ended up doing Twilight? Oops. So sorry, and I am ACTUALLY going to keep that to show you moronic mistake. **

Each time this story began with a bored girl. A completely and utterly bored girl much like myself, but this true story does not, because in real life it seems you don't get sucked into a movie at the most convenient time.

"I know but…Jacob just sucks." I argued with my uncle. He was sitting down listening to me rant on the Twilight Saga on which he had no knowledge on and had just recently found out I read it.

He was visiting for my Grandma's birthday and we sat in my living room. "Wanna see the ending to Twilight Princess?" I asked changing the subject. "You beat it right?" He asked. "Yeps!" I beamed, I liked bragging when it came to video games.

I put it on and sadly I must say I didn't finish putting it on. I passed out and when I woke back up I found myself in a bed. "What the…hmm mom and dad must of carried me up." I groaned weakly.

I stood up and opened my eyes. A blinding light came and I closed my eyes, after a good minute I opened them back up. "That's not a bed, where the hell am I?" I asked. I looked around and gasped "no way."

I being a complete fan girl of POTC knew exactly where I was. Port Royal bitches. "Not possible." I whispered, I looked down to see me in an outfit similar to Captain Jack Sparrow's, and looked at my sword.

"Cool." I whispered. I looked out to the ocean and spotted exactly what I THOUGHT I'd spot. Captain Jack Sparrow's sinking ship. "Oh yeah baby!" I laughed madly. I was eighteen so making out with Jack couldn't be illegal so who gave a crap?

I jumped up and sighed. He was about a mile away still. "Damn it!" I groaned and began pacing. After about a half an hour he FINALLY arrived. He stepped onto the deck and I followed him. Finally he turned around to face me.

"Um…do I owe you money?" Jack asked with much hesitation. "Nope, but I love you." I sighed. He brushed this off easily, as if it wasn't a big deal, which I guess it wasn't what with prostitutes constantly throwing themselves at him.

"And I am guessing that's why you're following me mate?" He asked. "Pretty much, besides the fact I have nowhere to go. I still am wondering how I got here." I muttered rubbing my head.

"Must have been rum." Jack chuckled. "I'm not twenty-one, not a single drop of alcohol, only had virgin pina coladas love them, and well once a virgin apple martini." I answered.

"Virgins?" Jack gasped at the word. "Yes virgins, I don't drink!" I shouted. "Captain Jack Sparrow." Jack said bowing slightly (**what is it with me making people bow?**) I grinned. Jack bowed to me!

"Captain Daphne." I said bowing also, though I should have been bowing I didn't give a crap, I was more of a tom boy sometimes. "Captain?" Jack asked. "Yes Captain." I answered flatly.

"Where's your ship Captain?" Jack asked with a smirk. "I'm in the market." I answer slyly. After a long and troublesome boat guy we finally began walking off. "Oi and I assume you've come to commandeer a ship?" Jack asked walking off towards the Interceptor.

"Naturally. Had my eyes on this one but…the Dauntless looks nice." I said pointing to another. Jack still hadn't questioned me on my accent, not that I cared considering.

Suddenly two morons surrounded us. "Just bloody brilliant, forgot those two, always forget those two names." I muttered silently to myself. After a long and furious speech between the two they caught us on the Interceptor.

"Oi you don't have permission to be aboard there!" One of them yelled and once again after a nice and long confusing speech by Jack (which was not confusing to me but confusing to the morons and my friends at home) Elizabeth fell.

"Oi I'll get the bitch." I laughed and dove in. Jack stared blankly and threw his 'effects' next to mine and swan dived in. Suddenly we were surrounded on the dock as Elizabeth got up.

"Called Miss Swann a bitch she did!" The two ratted me out after Jack was discovered a pirate. "What you'll see in the sequel!" I shouted, of course everyone ignored me! Ignore Captain Daphne day it was I guess.

Suddenly I and Jack were running for our lives failing our arms like two girls. Me being a girl and Jack well…being Jack. We finally arrived at the blacksmiths and I realized me and Jack barely spoke together!

"Hey Jack." I whispered "_Captain._" Jack corrected me. "Captain Jack, sorry escaped my mind, we've barely spoken. I just wanted to say in any circumstances we get locked up together, go to save a damsel in distress, kill a cursed pirate, and escape the gallows I'm always one to trust, even though I may be a pirate." I explained.

"Nice to know mate." Jack answered as he tried getting his cuffs off. I on the other hand poked the donkey with the hot metal poker. Who gives a crap about a donkey when you're in friggin cold and itchy hand cuffs? Defiantly not me.

Finally after our hand cuffs off, conveniently the whelp walked in. We hid, he caught us, and we fought. Simple easy, I never even got hurt, surprisingly all those years having fake sword fights with my bro were good practice. Jack commented on my good footwork and attack methods. I bowed in mid swing.

Jack and I were hit over a glass battle but a drunken black smith. Damn blacksmiths and their blacksmithness.

**A/N wow that actually worked out well! YES! Finally my FIRST POTC story! YAY! :O ZOMG (whatever in hell that means!) **


	2. Chapter 2 Cell Fun

**Disclaimer: ******** That means I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. ******** I wish.**

**A/N I thank my three reviewers who said this story was good. Excuse me for not getting the words right. Most of the things Captain Daphne says I'd say in her situation! **

I and Jack woke up in a cell. "AWWW man!" I wailed. Jack sighed; he seemed so cool and content. "Why does nobody talk to me?" I asked Jack as he slid against the wall.

"Maybe it's the fact you scare them?" Jack laughed. "Oh yes, of COURSE." I rolled my eyes; I was not one for scaring people, if anything I got them annoyed and gave them cheer.

"Just a suggestion mate." Jack pointed out. It was still bright out, we had a whole day left of prison. "I am SO bored." I complained as me and Jack sat with her backs on the slimy walls.

"Well there is a bed…" Jack informed me. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked excitedly. And so we did what I thought we'd do…we built a massive fort. Oh you thought I was going to say THAT?

Even Captain Jack Sparrow isn't steeling MY virginity! "YAY FORTS!" I laughed as I knocked Jack's down. "OI MY FORT!" He shouted and began rebuilding immediately.

Finally night fell. And the dog appeared. The others began whistling for it. "You keep doing that that dog is NEVER going to move." I and Jack informed them after two long boring minutes.

"Excuse us for trying, we haven't resorted ourselves to the gallows yet." A prisoner insulted rather meanly. Jack smiled my favorite smile in the whole movie, his hat down and his little smirk of amusement.

"Soooo Jack, any plans?" I asked waiting for the canons. "Besides springing from prison some how?" Jack asked. "Yeah I guess." I giggled. "Just revenge I guess." Jack shrugged.

"Oh yes that's NOTHING big, Mister Nonchalant." I said sarcastically. "Oi what about you love?" He asked. "Not much, just hoping to held out a fellow pirate, clear my conscious." I smirked.

"Oi and why's that?" He asked again. "Simple, I'm a fun person and am bored with barking orders, want to help out for once, sick and tired of being a bloody captain." I sighed; damn I wished it was true.

"Well what would you promise?" Jack asked. "I'd promise to die if I had to for my captain." I shrugged, now it was my turn to act nonchalant.

We suddenly heard explosions "oi I know those canons," Jack cooed. "It's the Pearl." I finished. He glanced at me. "How?" He asked. "Easy, I just do." I shrugged and stopped building my fort.

Then suddenly, just when Jack was ABOUT to blink during our staring contest, (we forgot about the canons) the explosion blasted next door, Jack grabbed me and pushed me to the ground.

"Err…" I gushed, he was right on top of me and for once in my life I blushed. "How's it down there?" Jack joked. "Oh nice, rather comfy" I laughed.

We peered at the other cell, the pirates were leaving. "My sympathy my friends, you have no luck at all." One apologized as he left. "Oi I'll show you luck!" I called and found a bone in our cell.

"Come here sweetie! Daphne wants a sweet little kiss from you! Who's a cute little puppy?" I cooed as the dog came closer. "Just you and Jack now, and Daphne." Jack added finding another bone.

Finally the dog was close and then a door opened. Jack began saying NEGITIVE things to the dog and it rushed off. "No, no, no I didn't mean it!" Jack called after it.

"Oh come on Jack! You HAD to?" I asked. "Captain." He corrected, finally two filthy pirates came down. "This isn't the armory!" One commented.

"Wow you two are friggin GENIUSES! Congrads for A. joining the dark side and B. getting the armory question right! You receive a cookie!" I laughed.

Jack chuckled. After a much boring chat Jack remained in his trance. "Err…Jack…remember cell?" I asked waving my hand in front of his face. Finally he snapped out.

He stood up and began pacing, swaying slightly. "Wish I brought rum." He muttered. "I know how we could pass the time!" I brightened up. "I know a song, that'll get on YOUR nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves." I sang.

Eventually even Jack joined in and we fell asleep, whispering the lyrics. Maybe it was the pure boredom Jack could have faced without singing with me, maybe it was the fact we were both insane and witty, or maybe he actually liked me.

Either way I didn't care, I fell asleep in the tiny bed without the itchy blankets and Jack slept on the floor. Jack fell asleep first and I lay on the bed thinking quickly. "I wonder…no…Jack couldn't like me! I'm average, nothing to look at, just a good personality. Never worked back at home." I thought aloud.

Though I didn't notice Jack smirked, he wasn't fully asleep and could hear me. "Besides, since when has a guy really liked me, and an incredible one at THAT?" I sighed. Previous memories sucked.

Jack smirked again. "Yeah right, like a guy so great is going to love you just because you love him. Hasn't worked yet! Get a grip Daphne." I insulted myself and held myself. "I miss Teddy." I sighed thinking of my old Teddy Bear.

When I jerked around I noticed Jack still smirking. "Oh shit, you heard me didn't you?" I asked. "Interesting theories mate." He laughed tauntingly. "Oh come on, do you know the meaning of privacy?" I asked harshly.

Jack held his heart, pretending to be hurt. "Why you don't know me at all!" He gasped. I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Okay, okay, FINE. But no more privacy for you." I ordered. "Good enough for me." He chuckled.

"Scratch that." I ordered and fell asleep. Damn I loved that cell. Best moment EVER!


	3. Chapter 3 Tortuga Jealousy

**Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean…I heard Elmo does. **

**A/N Okay so I am doing history as I write this. Let me just say this though, you guys are friggin lucky I'd stop doing school work FOR YOU! Know this, the nickname used for Elizabeth Swann is not owned by me, it is owned by Grandma who came up with it last night. Also I found out Elmo really does NOT own Pirates of the Caribbean, poor Elmo's out getting drunk because of the news.**

"Peace out!" I shouted in the cell, I was STILL trying to come up with a great last line like Jack had. "Daphne-"Jack began "CAPTAIN." I corrected.

"Captain Daphne, you're doing it all wrong." Jack explained. "Oh I know! Austa La Vista baby!" I laughed; I mean come on how could I NOT?

"Nope." Jack sighed. "Fine, fine, fine! Look why don't YOU help out? I mean if you're so good." I groaned. "Alright then, how about-"Jack suddenly caught sight of something.

He grabbed it and began trying to free ourselves. "Not going to work, and Will's coming." I groaned, suddenly the door opened and Jack fell on his back quickly.

After Will going on about Elizabeth he opened the cell. "Quickly, someone would have heard that." Will explained, "Hmm I wonder if you'll get tentacles." I sighed as I grabbed my 'effects.'

"Soo Elizabitch was taken by Barbie?" I asked as we ran. "Elizabeth." Will corrected through clenched teeth. "What? I'm not a big fan of the royalty." I explained, Jack was silent.

We finally arrived and Jack explained his brilliant plan. "No you moronic feminine blacksmith/pirate's son, COMMONDER!" I hissed. _Captain_ Jack Sparrow laughed his ass off.

Later on the Dauntless: "AYE avast!" Will said in a piraty tone, everyone laughed except me and Jack. Will gave Jack a what-did-I-say-wrong look. I shouted at him "YOU MFBPS SHUT IT!"

He kept quiet. "You three couldn't even make it out of port." The dorky british dude said snobby. "Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?" Jack coaxed his gun. "So cool." I whispered.

Quickly we threw them overboard, I tried getting the sails up with Will, took over the Interceptor, blah blah blah, you know the whole story!

After a MFBPS moment of Jack telling Will about Bootstrap I finally spoke after two long minutes. "Why'd they call him Bootstrap though?" I asked.

"No idea." Jack whispered in my ear. "Good enough for me!" I sighed. Finally we let Will back on the ship. "There's two things a man can't do and a man can do. For instance, I can't bring this ship in all by me oneseys." Jack explained.

"Eehem." I coughed. "As I said, me oneseys because lord knows Daphne can't even get the sails up." Jack continued. "Hey I tried!" I wailed.

"I can't have privacy, BUT I can pretend I do have privacy!" I explained. So we sailed to Tortuga and Jack went into the Captain's Quarters. "So how long have you known Jack?" Will asked as he sailed.

"My whole life, I was about eight when I knew him." I sighed not even THINKING about what I was saying. "How? Are you his daughter?" Will asked not taking his eyes of the horizon.

"No way, I just knew bout him, books?" I lied. "Oh. When did you meet him then?" Will asked again. "Are you going to keep asking me questions Kill Will? Or am I going to have to keep calling you Kill Will?" I asked.

Will kept quiet. God he was annoying. I went inside the Captain's Quarters. Jack screamed when I tapped him on the back. "Oh Daphne." He sighed.

"Hi ho Jack!" I greeted him and sat on the bed. "Why are you in here?" Jack asked sitting next to me. "No reason just bored. Want to build a fort?" I asked.

"No, I'm going to go see if this bloody ship has any rum." Jack explained. "You and drinking." I groaned. "Well love you better get used to it." Jack laughed as he stood up.

"I am not getting drunk if that's what you're hinting at. I'm not legal, I'm only eighteen." I explained. "Not legal? Mate you're perfectly legal." Jack pointed out. "Oh yeah…well still…no." I answered.

"Fine." Jack groaned and walked out. "Ahh Jack…witty, witty Jack." A voice laughed in my cabin. "Tia Dalma? What the…she wasn't in the first one." I said confused.

"Aye indeed I was not Daphne." Tia Dalma explained. "Oh, well nice to hear you Colipso! What brings ya here?" I asked.

"You. I woul' like to tell ye something." Tia Dalma announced. "Good, what's the news?" I asked. "You will not stay here for eva'. As soon as the adventure ends you shall be back home." She explained.

"NO YOU CAN'T! I'M LIVING THE BEST LIFE EVER! YOU CAN'T FRIGGIN MAKE ME SEA BITCH!" I shouted. "Calm, I did not finish." Tia Dalma interrupted my cursing.

"Carry on then." I hissed at the voice. I was surprised Will had not come in yet, but then again, he seemed like he hated me so… "You have many years ahead of you until you must go back." Tia Dalma explained.

"Oh well …er…okayez then! See ya Sea Bitch!" I laughed, "Sea goddess." She growled. "Fine sea goddess it is!" I groaned, the voice left and Jack came back in, empty handed.

"Bloody East India Trading Company." Jack muttered. "What a mouthful! Just call them the EITC for now Jack." I sighed. "Captain." Jack corrected. "Look if you keep correcting me then you're going to get a sword up your-"I was interrupted by Will.

"Jack we're near Tortuga." Will announced. "Oh good!" Jack said and left me in the cabin, even Kill Will left. "You know I need a real pirate name." I sighed.

"Daphne…hmm…Raging Daphne? No. Dreadlock Daphne? No way, I am NOT getting dreadlocks!" I began pondering over a name. "Twilight Daphne? Hmm good enough for me." I sighed.

I walked out of the cabin and looked up at the sky, stars shone bright and the sky was a dusty purple, Tortuga was at most maybe fifteen feet away. "Whoa it does look like a turtle!" I exclaimed.

"Daphne can you mind the ship?" Jack asked. "Twilight Daphne, and now way I am SO coming!" I corrected. "Twilight Daphne?" Jack asked. "Yes I came up with a true pirate name!" I answered.

"I still need help though with my last line." I explained. "Oh I got it! Try again at Twilight for Twilight Daphne!" I shouted. "Good enough for now." Jack sighed. Finally we made port.

"Keep a sharp eye." Jack warned me when we were in the Faithful Bride. "You too Kill Will." I ordered and walked off. Jack and Mr. Gibbs talked and finally after they clinked their rum Mr. Gibbs stared at me.

"Pain in the butt the girl?" Mr. Gibbs asked rather loudly. "You have no idea." Jack groaned. "It's Twilight Daphne to you Gibbs." I hissed as I took a seat. "So Jack…why do you let Will call you Jack?" I asked.

"Sprung us from jail." Jack answered. "You just let me call you Jack though." I gasped. "You threatened me." Jack explained. "Oh yeah…so Gibbs where are we sleeping for tonight?" I asked.

"The ship of course." Mr. Gibbs answered. "Oh, well…" I was interrupted then by a prostitute and her prostitute powers, "Jack Sparrow!" She greeted.

"Heather!" Jack greeted putting his arms out. I on the other hand glared. "It's been months since I've last seen ye!" She said sitting on his lap. "Easy on the goods love." Jack chuckled.

"I'll be over there." I hissed and walked off towards Will. Poor Will was surrounded by prostitutes and just like in the deleted scenes I kicked over a table and took my sword out. "Oi who's single?" I asked in a shout. Jack and Gibbs stared shocked at me.

Everyone had been staring at me and a clean cut boy around my age stepped out of the crowd. "I am miss." He greeted. "Come with me then." I ordered grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him over to Jack's table.

"Twilight Daphne, I was a captain but I joined Jack's crew, we're going after the Black Pearl. You?" I asked, "The Black Pearl!" He exclaimed, his brown hair was messy and short, but looked dirty almost making it black.

"Yes now you're name?" I asked. I looked at his blue eyes sparkling with excitement. He wore a long coat like Jack and black boots along with the normal pirate outfit.

I noticed that he also had a gold pistol and a silver cutlass. "Daring Dan." He introduced kissing my hand. "Lovely to meet you Dan." I giggled. Jack glared at Dan as if he was suddenly jealous.

"Can I join you're crew Captain Jack?" Dan asked. "Of course!" Mr. Gibbs shouted noticing too that Jack was not his normal self. Heather seemed bored. "Jack Sparrow is it okay?" I asked with a hint of excitement that he was angry.

"Fine." Jack sighed and turned his attention back to Heather. Damn it. "So Dan how old is you?" I asked. "Nineteen miss." He answered. "Oi I am not a miss! Call me Daphne, I'm a pirate not some royal snob." I explained.

"My apologies Daphne, I am also a pirate but, I ran away only a few weeks ago from my father, he is a governor." Dan explained. "That's alright Dan!" I chirped. He wore a bright blue hat.

I liked hats. "Lovely hat!" I sighed and looked around. "Oi Captain, is their any good shops around?" I asked making SURE to call him Captain to piss him off now.

"Mr. Gibbs." Jack called out. "Take her to Bessie's." Jack ordered and walked off with Heather. "Bessie's?" I asked. "Aye Bessie's, best merchant ye find in Tortuga." Gibbs explained.

"Will come on!" I called and sure enough Will followed close behind. "Where's Jack?" He asked. "With his prostitute slut right now, Dan this is Will, Will this is Dan, we're ALSO rescuing his fair maiden bitch." I explained.

Dan chuckled at my cursing. Obviously he found it funny for me to actually curse. "Where are we going?" Will asked ignoring my comment. "Bessie's shop, I wanted to go buy some stuff." I explained as we arrived a cabin.

Over here there weren't as many fights or noise. I entered the shop to see a woman sitting in a chair near a jar. "Oi customers, you have money right?" She asked.

"I do." I answered grabbing out a pouch; she opened a curtain up to reveal a shop. "Oh boy hats!" I squealed and ran off to try them on. I found a light pink one and a red bandana much like Jack's without beads.

"Any food?" I asked. "Over there." The woman pointed to the back of the shop and I noticed rolls. "Yum rolls." I sighed and grabbed two dozen. "That'll be five shillings." She announced, I handed her something and she smiled.

"Thank you miss, you are very kind." She thanked. "Twilight Daphne, a pirate not a royal bitch." I answered, once again Dan laughed at my cursing and we exited the shop to see Will and Gibbs pacing.

"Where's Jack?" Will asked Gibbs. "I can't remember where Heather lives." Gibbs groaned. Obviously this hadn't been the FIRST time Will asked Gibbs. "Hello little boys little toys!" I sang as I walked up to them.

"Huh?" Dan asked. "Song." I answered. I had loved the first Shiny Toy Guns album. "Daphne do you know where Jack went off to?" Will asked. "Twilight Daphne and no, I don't know, believe it or not." I sighed.

Obviously Jack had told him that I knew things. Damn it and I was hoping I'd freak him out. "Twilight Daphne should we find loggings?" Dan asked. "Daphne, Dan call me Daphne. I guess unless Mr. Gibbs wouldn't mind us on the ship without Captain Sparrow." I answered; oh I loved making Dan think I was serious with this Captain crap.

"No I don't think Jack would like that." Mr. Gibbs answered. "Okay then Gibbsy bring us to an inn." I ordered. Fifteen minutes later we arrived at an inn. Long story short, I and Dan shared a room; he slept in one bed, me in another.

Gibbs and Will also shared a room, I do not know if they shared a bed, I doubt it though; Mr. Gibbs would NEVER give into Will.

Morning arrived and Mr. Gibbs went back to the Faithful Bride to get a crew, he came back two hours later and told us to come back to the ship. We did so.

After we got settled back on the ship I ran up to Annamaria. "Annamaria, I'm Twilight Daphne!" I greeted her. "Nice to meet you Twilight Daphne." Annamaria greeted.

"You can call me Daphne if you let me call you Maria." I announced. "Fair deal." Maria laughed. "So how long have you and Jack known each other?" I asked. "Two years." Maria answered through clenched teeth.

"We're the girl's ledisko!" I sang as I walked off since Maria went to go get the sails up. Jack blocked my way towards the Captain's Cabin (as I learned later by Dan). "Where are you going?" Jack asked.

"I was heading to the crew's cabin, Captain Sparrow." I spat. "Fair enough." He sighed and walked off. "Damn him, he heard what I said but what does he do? Goes gallivanting with prostitutes!" I muttered to myself.

Dan then tapped my shoulder. "Daphne, I wanted to know…well…if…" Dan stuttered. "Oh out with it Dan!" I groaned. "If you'd like to go on a date." Dan answered. "Aww Dan that's so sweet but we're on a ship." I explained.

"We could still go on one; maybe we could ask the Captain to drop us off on an island for awhile while he gets supplies with the crew…" Dan answered. "He'll maroon us Dan. I doubt Captain Sparrow likes you." I explained.

"Oh." Dan sighed. "How's this Dan, why don't you and me go and have a picnic on the deck today?" I asked hoping Jack would see and get pissed off again. "That sounds lovely." Dan answered and left.

"Oi Captain Sparrow!" I called out. "Daphne?" He asked as he walked over to me, his compass in hand. "I have a date today." I said smugly. "A date?" He gulped. "Yep." I answered. "With who?" Jack asked, keeping his temper.

"Dan." I sang his name. Jack walked off. He was not in a good mood. "Do we have a heading?" Mr. Gibbs asked Jack as he caught up. "That way." Jack said pointing towards me. "Oh crap." I gulped.

"Jack you're sure?" Mr. Gibbs asked. "Yes I'm sure." Jack groaned and went into the Captain's cabin. My plan worked. "I'll have him soon." I sighed.

"If what they say is true, you're a boy and I'm a girl." I sang as I skipped off to the crew's cabin. I laid in my hammock and sighed "I love you Jack."

"Now hold onto me pretty baby." I sang in a whisper and fell asleep madly in love.


	4. AN from Hell

**Disclaimer: It turns out Elmo DOES own POTC, I don't. **

**A/N I noticed I forgot to do my ending A/Ns in my previous two chapters. So this chapter is just a HUGE a/n on the POTC blooper reel. Lolz. I'd just like to say- Barbosa: NO. Me again: Yes you are hilarious Barbosa. Lol where are the writers I'm going to kill them. Barbosa: NO. Me: Lol Johnny Depp just asked if that was a plane in the bloopers. THE PLANE THE PLANE! LOL! Check the gate. Okay I am friggin bored, by the way my fave authors and fave story peps, please guys, PLEASE come out with some new chaps! I'm like friggin bored now a day! Nobody friggin writes anymore!! Okay then I lied it's not huge. Byez. Lol.**


	5. Chapter 5 Dan's Not Happy

**Disclaimer: I don't own POTC, Jack the monkey does, DUH!**

**A?N lol question mark fun. Okayez I think you guys hate me right now, no comments since chapter 1! You guys are forcing me to write more!**

I woke up at dusk and noticed the crew had served clams. I went searching for Dan and stopped when I saw Jack sailing the ship.

"So hot." I sighed; I walked up to him immediately forgetting Dan. "Oi Daphne." Jack greeted. "Jack," I said. "Been a while since you said my name." Jack laughed.

"Yes well all in a days work." I laughed. "So where is dearest Dan?" Jack asked, having trouble with the word dearest. "No idea fell asleep and just woke up." I explained.

"Oh Cotton!" Jack called; sure enough Cotton the parrot and Cotton the man (never really knew which one was which) came walking up. "Steer the ship." Jack ordered and walked off towards his cabin.

"Daphne are you coming?" Jack asked when I stood near by. "Forts?" I asked eagerly, "fine." Jack sighed and I stepped inside, immediately we got to work.

"So Jack, what did you and your slut prostitute do and how much?" I asked as I knocked his fort down. "What?" He asked shocked. "What?" I mimicked.

"We did nothing." Jack answered fast. "Why?" He asked eagerly. "Just a question, why are you hoping you could gain a new trophy?" I asked as I stood up.

"No." Jack gulped. "Oh so you just want to sleep like me?" I spat. "What? No." Jack gulped again, getting nervous of my mood swing/wrath.

"Well what is it then? Just want to hurt my feelings? Want to crush my heart?" I asked. "No not at all." Jack answered. "Whatever." I sighed and sat down.

Against my wishes, I began to cry. "Look at me, I'm ugly, all I got going is a good personality and brain, but do men look at that first? No. They look at girls like Elizabitch." I sobbed.

"Well you have Dan." Jack tried comforting me. "Oh you think I love him? Honestly he's okay but…I'm not interested in him, savvy?" I asked through tears. "Well there's always the parrot." Jack joked.

I smiled and giggled. "See you smiled." Jack noticed. "Yeah well you have that effect." I explained. Suddenly my lips were crushed against Jack's. _OMG OMG OMG!!! _My voice screamed in my head.

Jack's lips separated from mine. "Better love?" He asked. I giggled uncontrollably, "Am I dreaming?" I asked. "Nope." Jack chuckled. "Then yes, better." I answered.

"What about Dan?" Jack asked. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." I answered and pulled him into a kiss. He started it.

"Daphne?" I heard a voice gasp. I pulled away from Jack. "Crap." I muttered. "Captain?" Dan gasped, again. "Couldn't resist mate." Jack grinned. "Dan look I'm a pirate, a cheater. Get it? You were my little decoy." I explained.

"A decoy?" Dan asked; he seemed like he was going to blow. "What don't blame me that I'm madly in love!" I shouted, god he was pissing me off fast. "Madly in love?" Jack asked.

"Yes madly in love, got a problem?" I asked. "No, not really." Jack sighed. "You…you…love…Jack Sparrow?" Dan asked. "Captain." I corrected. "Oi I wanted to correct him!" Jack whispered in my ear.

Outside I heard thunder and rain pounding on the ship. "Buggar." Jack muttered and left. "Well go on now Dan, help Jack." I ordered and stood up. "No. If you mean throw him overboard then fine." Dan growled.

"Oi want to fight then? If I win you leave me be, if I lose you get to have me." I explained. "Deal." Dan sighed and we both took our swords out. In about two minutes I pinned him to the ground, my sword near his throat.

"Now leave me and Jack alone and help out on deck." I ordered, he left quickly. Jack walked in. "We're catching up." I stated. "How?" Jack asked. "I already told you love, I know stuff." I explained.

"Fair enough." Jack shrugged and pulled me into a kiss, I tasted rum. "Hmm rum isn't so bad." I sighed when we were done kissing. "Want some?" Jack asked. "I thought there wasn't any on the ship." I laughed.

"Gibbs." He answered. "Oh, well no. When we get marooned on the island I will." I groaned. "Marooned again?" Jack asked. "Scratch that." I ordered. For about fifteen minutes we played games.

Black Jack, staring contests, forts, and hell we even played a rhyming game I came up with. "Rat." I said. "Bat." Jack rhymed. Finally we heard Mr. Gibbs say we were there.

After Will's bad impression of Jack and me watching him do it, Jack finally came over. "Human hair." I started. "From my back." Jack finished. "How long DID that take?" I asked when we were on the boat.

"What?" Jack asked. "The whole rope." I laughed. But then Will started staring at the gold and Jack explained how treasure is not just gold and jewels.

"Aww that's so romantic Jack!" I sighed when he stared at me when he said it wasn't JUST gold. Finally I and Jack were knocked on the head by a plank of wood by Kill Will and his blacksmithness.

Did I mention I hate blacksmiths? We woke back up a few minutes later. "Ow my friggin head." I groaned as I stood up. I swayed and almost fell, Jack caught me.

"Now when I caught myself." I sang. We became surrounded. "You're supposed to be dead!" Regetti gasped. "Am I not?" Jack asked and felt himself. "No Jack just Kill Will knocked us out." I explained.

"Parsley, pasnip, parlalala." Jack whispered trying to remember. "Parlay?" Pintel asked. "Parlay that's the one!" Jack shouted. "Damn the coward who came up with parlay!" Regetti cursed.

"That would be the French." I pointed out. "Bunch of friggin snail eating jerks." Jack glanced at me and we were taken onto the Pearl. "Oi he's going to be needed on the ship." Regetti pointed out to Pintel as they shoved us onto the Pearl.

"I'm a female asshole." I spat on him and kicked the two in the breadbasket. The two screamed. "You'll be needing a dress then." Barbosa greeted me and kissed my hand. "Thanks Barbosa but I'm fine." I sighed.

A lot of talk went by, Jack eating apples, Jack getting thrown into the brig, me being tossed into the Captain's Cabin, me being forced to wear a pretty red dress, and me having to dine with the crew.

'I must say I do love dresses but come on!" I groaned when I put it on. I never DID get to dine with the crew thanks to us getting shot by the Interceptor and Jack shouting "STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!"

As quick as I could I ran down to the brig to witness Jack escaping. "You gotta love Jack!" I shouted and threw myself into his arms. "Not now love, escape first." Jack ordered.

Did I mention I love blacksmiths and their blacksmithness? After a nice little Elizabitch scene Jack spotted the monkey. I ran after him and the monkey. Jack bumped into Barbosa, I bumped into Jack.

"Why thank ye Jack." Barbosa thanked. "You're welcome." Jack said rather confused. "Not you they named the monkey Jack." I explained. "Oh." Jack sighed.

We were pushed up onto the ship along with the others. Regetti threatened us, Kill Will acted like a moron, and we were forced to walk the plank.

"Too long!" A guy shouted and pushed Elizabitch off. "Finally!" I sighed. I was put on it and grinned "I'm a good swimmer mates." I explained. I took off the dress to reveal my pirate garb underneath.

"Here I am still holdin on to this dream we had, won't let go of it!" I sang and then dived in perfectly. I swam and enjoyed myself and finally arrived on the beach.

"That's the second time I've seen him off with my ship." Jack sighed staring off at the Pearl. "No worries Jack, plenty of rum." I grinned. "I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her." I sang as the two went off to go get the booze.

I saw a monkey scurry off. "Oi a monkey! I'm gonna name him Barbosa!" I laughed. I chased the monkey and found two, one a male and one a female. "Well I COULD name one Sweeney and one after me…" I thought aloud.

"Nah, Barbosa and Midna the monkey!" I laughed and they both went on my shoulders.

I like monkeys.

**A/N so we find that Daphne has gained to loveable monkeys, Jack loves Daphne, Dan hates them both, Elizabitch Jack and Daphne are trapped on an island and well…I don't know LOL! By the way I must say ONE thing. You MAY hate me for this but…Fred is not funny. Sorry but goddesses of Hyrule I rather read a HORRIBLE fan fic I found on here once. **


	6. Chapter 6 A Grand Finale?

**Disclaimer: Omg guess what!!!!! I found out my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandfather Barbossa sailed the seas with Captain Jack Sparrow. Why don't I own POTC though?**

**A/N lolz I had to do that! Okay guys well before I start I'd just like to mention two series. 1. Keeping In Character which is a guide on the characters of POTC and tips about the character. So far I got two reviews on it about how useful it was so yay! And 2. How It Came to Be which is about Jack as a little kid and about the many adventures/traitors/friendship our little Jackie had! Alright so this is the finale! Watch out for POTC 2: Elmo's Chest. Lol.**

Off in the distance I could hear Elizabitch and Jack arguing. "Ugh." I groaned and sat down, each monkey on a shoulder. My thoughts wandered to the apartment my family lived in and I lived in.

_Constant bickering, annoying fights, me whimpering in my room, putting music on and headphones, drowning the sound out. The music helped, it soothed me and that's where my great love of music came from._

_I grabbed books and read, a reason for why I was such a fast reader. I even got so desperate I read the Pirates of the Caribbean movie books my friends had given me since they finished it._

I could not take fighting. "SHUT UP!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, the monkeys covered their little ears. Sure enough Jack came running back to me his arms full of rum.

"What's the matter love?" Jack asked holding me. "Give me that." I ordered and took the biggest bottle of rum from his hand. I gulped it down in seconds. "Welcome to Caribbean love." Jack laughed.

A Few Hours Later

"DRINK UP ME HEARTIES YO HO!" I shouted dancing with Jack on the beach while Elizabeth sat in the sand. "I love you, you know that?" I asked her slurring the words and putting a drunken arm on her.

"Jack how much DID she have?" Elizabeth asked. "Oi Daphne how much rum did you have?" Jack asked. "Eleventy-five!" I shouted and fell on the ground. "No clue mate." Jack shrugged at Elizabeth.

"NOW I'M NOW I'M SHH-SHH-SHAKIN I'M SHH-SHH-SHAKIN!" I sang and eventually even Jack joined in the Rooney song. "I am holding on! I am holding on! I am holding on! I am HOLDING ON!" I sang louder.

Eventually I passed out of course RIGHT when Jack was being poetic. I woke up, my head pounding and when I opened my eyes I closed them immediately. "Oi lower the light!" I shouted.

That made my head ring more, and then my nose itched. I smelt smoke. Suddenly a loud bang woke me up, forgetting my hang over I sprung up. "BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!" Jack asked in the distance.

"Crap." I muttered. Eventually Jack stomped off. "Must have been terrible for you Jack…" Jack mimicked Elizabitch and I ran after him. "WELL IT BLOODY IS NOW!" Jack shouted in her direction.

Quickly I caught up to him and saw a ship. "There'll be no living with her after this." I ordered Jack. He chuckled, he was getting used to me knowing what he was going to say now?

After a nice long talk and us finally going into the bloody cave we stood there, Jack grabbing knick knacks. "You planned this, from the very first time you heard my name?" Will asked more like a statement though if you ask ME.

"Yep." Jack informed him and went back to work. I grabbed a piece of Aztec gold knowing what would happen soon. I slipped one in Jack's pocket, for some reason he had not grabbed one.

"Thanks love, knew you'd do it." Jack whispered in my ear, obviously he felt the gold. Finally we lunged into combat; Barbie was a LOT harder, luckily though I had my two monkeys with me.

"Barbossa go help the whelp!" I ordered and sure enough he scurried off. "Huh?" Barbossa asked as we fought. "Not you, she named the monkey Barbossa." Jack explained.

"Midna, go help out him too, god knows that Eunuch needs help." I laughed. But of course I was stabbed, no pain baby. I stumbled back, Jack gasped, he obviously had no clue I took gold?

I stepped back dramatically into the moon light and looked at myself "how is it possible I look hot as a skeleton?" I asked as I noticed myself. Barbossa seeing this stabbed Jack, Jack did the same and in unison we took the coin out and fiddled with it.

"Couldn't resist mate." We explained in unison and began fighting. "Two immortals doomed to fight till judgment day?" Barbossa asked a few minutes later, I really did not pay attention to whatever he said BEFORE.

"Ehm three." I fake coughed. "Or you could just surrender." Jack joked and the fight continued. Finally the fight had ended, Jack shot Barbossa, and I shot Will. Oh yeah er…I shot Will's bandana by accident so…he didn't get injured damn it, perfect shot wasted.

"Jack damn you look like a pirate king!" I laughed as I noticed Jack had on a crown. "Why thank you love." Jack pulled me into a kiss and suddenly I felt something on my neck.

I looked down to see a gold necklace with a sapphire placed in the middle. "Not as lovely as you but…" Jack explained. He had slipped on a necklace on me! "AWWW JACKIE!" I shouted and pulled him into a hug.

We kissed and then I let go. "I forgot to what it feels like to feel normal, to be normal." I laughed. Why was I quoting songs? Elizabitch told us the bad news, I held Jack on the boat and he looked depressed.

"No worries Jack! The whelp saves us!" I explained, but really I was just as afraid, the whelp had saved JACK, with ONE sword. Not two swords and an annoying moronic chick.

Finally we had a noose around our necks and I sighed. God this guy was going ON and ON about Jack's crimes! Suddenly I heard a crime that caught me by surprise. "You…got…busy…with a friggin GOAT!" I hissed.

"Oh my f-ing god that is like SO wrong on like SO many levels!" I gasped. "What?" Jack asked. "I commandeered a goat what's so wrong about that? I have to eat." Jack explained. Oh so I had heard wrong, thank god.

Suddenly my crimes were listed, conspiracy against the crown (spsha), piracy (the best kinda iracy), verbal harassment (what Elizabitch deserved it!), and something about knowing pirates. Lame.

"Man you're lucky you got something cool like arsine!" I groaned I really wanted to die for something cool. "Oh yes and look where that got me." Jack groaned. "Where DID it get you?" I asked as the guy went back to Jack's crimes.

"Stuck in the brig for a week." Jack answered with a shrug of his shoulders (the only thing we COULD move). Finally Will saved us, (I won't go into the impossible explanation), we dived, and finally I arrived back on the Pearl.

"Bring me that horizon." Jack whispered and began humming Yo Ho A Pirates Life For Me. "And really bad eggs." He muttered. "Drink up me hearties yo ho!" I shouted. I glanced around and spotted the last person I wanted to see.

"Tia Dalma." I groaned. Suddenly time stopped, Jack's grip on my waist stood the same, the waves stopped moving, the birds frozen in the air. "What the hell?" I asked.

"It is time child." Tia Dalma explained. "No way in hell am I going back sea bitch!" I shouted. "You shall come back exactly a year from now; it shall only be a month here." Tia Dalma informed me.

"A friggin year? Fine but if I don't come back I kick your ass and the author of this moronic story!" I joked. Suddenly time kicked up again, I looked around, the light was dimming, the sound of the wind and ocean gone, and when I turned to look at Jack I was starring at a poster.

"Awww man!" I wailed. I was in bed surrounded by my family. "Oh Daphne you're okay!" My mom cried kissing me. "What happened?" I asked feeling much like Dorothy. "Sweetie you passed out a week ago!" My Dad whispered.

"A week? Wow Tia Dalma is good." I laughed. "Tia Dalma? What does Pirates of the Caribbean have to do with this?" My Grandma asked. "Nothing." I stated too quickly.

That day I bought an apartment not far, dropped out of collage, and signed up for fencing, yoga, and gymnastics. I'm still waiting for the year to go by; I'm still waiting to continue my Curse of the Mentally Challenged adventure.

**A/N with Daphne back in her real life, taking classes that'll help her fight I leave you begging for more. What happened to Barbossa, Jack, and Midna the monkeys? What happened to Jack? Why the hell am I asking you? **

**Coming to a screen near you.**

"Did he put his penis in there?"

"Daphne?"

"Damn it I forgot about that."

**Also lol, I missed the intro of When Did Your Heart Go Missing (I had it on low) and I got pissed off and shouted "BUGGAR!" Lol.**

**Got Captain Jack Sparrow Fever,**

**Midna**


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